Do we need secular etiquette at home?
Secular etiquette - these are certain rules of behavior in society. But is it really important to good manners at home? How to behave in a family environment, what ethical standards can not be violated - this information about the culture of behavior will certainly be useful to each of us.
What is secular etiquette?
Each society establishes certain norms of behavior. The concept of "secular etiquette" includes the knowledge and respect for decency, good manners, the ability to behave correctly and tactfully. A person observing secular etiquette is well brought up, he will not offend anyone with his actions, will not cause inconvenience to anyone, and will be extremely polite in communication.
Good manners in the modern sense - this is not a flattering appeal, "would you be so kind ...", "don’t you please worry ...", "won’t make it difficult for you, dear sir ...". So communicated in high society before.
Today, everything is different, but the essence of the rules of etiquette does not change - we must know how to behave when we meet, visiting different places (enterprises and institutions, places of rest), receiving guests.
Why do we need secular etiquette at home?
About relationship culture
For some reason, many people think: at work, I have to be polite, not going anywhere, but at home, good manners do not need anything. And the motive is convincing - a person should relax somewhere.
It depends on how: if you are used to sharing your problems with your family, even if in an emotional form, this is one thing. Close ones will listen, understand and support. But when you are angry at working troubles tearing at their home - is another matter.
Are we always at home as polite as in dealing with strangers? How often do elementary “good morning”, “good night”, “sorry”, “thank you”, “please” sound in your house?
A husband who, in an orderly tone, says to his wife “give me a cup”, “wash my shirt”, is clearly not friendly with the concept of “secular etiquette”. And in vain. It’s so elementary to add a simple “please” to the request, but it’s pleasant to the wife, she will be affectionate with her husband in response.
Even if the husband considers himself a leader in the family, educated and polite, he must be. Her husband’s good manners help to create in the family an atmosphere of goodwill and comfort. And it concerns not only the rules of communication. Do you always help your wife to put on a coat, open the door in front of her, give you your hand when you exit the vehicle?
Often there are such representatives of the stronger sex who are ready to please the familiar ladies, women colleagues, and they do not consider it necessary to attend to their spouse.
It is not uncommon for wives who allow themselves somewhere in a public place on the street to be pushed around by her husband, talking to him in a commanding tone. Such etiquette is obviously not familiar to such persons.
The rudeness of loved ones can not be tolerated endlessly, because the offensive word of native people, their tactlessness are injured more than a reprimand from a boss or a quarrel with a boorish seller. But the public use of gentle words is also incompatible with the concept of "good manners." At home, call each other as you like - kitten, bunny, fish, baby doll. But with outsiders this is unacceptable, refer to your second half by name.
House etiquette - external decorum
At home, each of us wants to shake off the burden of daytime fatigue, relax, and change into something light and comfortable. But not in a worn T-shirt and stretched workouts. Observance of the dress code at home, no one, of course, does not require, but everyone needs a neat and tidy look.
Many men still have such a manner - to walk at home in shorts.But this is no good at all, especially if there are children in the house.
There are quite a few women who, on a day off, can spend hours disheveled after sleeping without bothering to clean up. But on work on weekdays are carefully going to look like a needle. The same requires secular etiquette! But to observe good manners at home, they do not consider it necessary. And then they wonder - why the husband began to stare at other women?
Good table manners
Some heads of families allow themselves to sit at the table with a bare belly. Are you sure that it is pleasant to others and does not discourage their appetite? The husband buried his head in the newspaper, the child didn’t part with the phone at dinner, and no one pays attention to the mother who prepared delicious food for the family.
And it is not uncommon, when someone from a family member chom during meals, sips tea out of a cup loudly, climbs his fork into a common dish with salad. Just remember, "put a pig at the table ...". Why do the owners of bad habits do not think about how annoying they are to their loved ones? And because the family has to endure it every day!
And then they all stand together, throwing dirty plates on the table.You do not need to know secular etiquette to observe the elementary rules of decency. Watch how you eat, and after eating help to clear the table.
The mother of the family is not obliged to pull all the household chores. She's not a maintenance staff. Sharing responsibilities at home is not just good manners, but an elementary respect for the mother, a display of care and love.
Regarding joint dinners, this is a good, useful tradition that unites the family.
There is no need to thoroughly observe secular etiquette in order to lay a beautiful table on the weekend, cook something tasty and spend time for a leisurely conversation, share your impressions in a week.
Good manners during an argument?
No family can manage without disagreements and quarrels. And after all, everyone defends his point of view, blaming the partner and not trying to listen to his arguments. Particularly fraught with bad consequences of a quarrel with children. Why, at work, do we find the strength to restrain emotions, to behave with dignity in controversial situations, observing secular etiquette?
But at home we recoup in full. A family scandal that began with trifles can end in serious conflict.The wife once again reproached her husband for carelessness, having found a lying sock under the bed during cleaning.
My husband got angry because of his wife’s irritated tone, and in response he fell: you spend hours hanging in front of the mirror, when we need to go somewhere, we are always late, and you will not be interrogated to stroke my shirt and so on.
Someone should stop in time, “surrender” in order to avoid a completely unnecessary quarrel. More often the husband does. And it is reasonable, because the ladies are more emotional, and in a dispute with a woman it is better to give up.
Marriages, alas, often collapse just because of some trifles, minor offenses and meaningless quarrels.
Secular etiquette and criticism of flaws
Everyone has shortcomings, but trying to remake an adult is almost impossible. Still, women are trying hard to re-educate their other half. And who likes to constantly listen at home reproaches like "well, when will you learn to eat carefully?" Or "again on the couch crumbs from your sandwiches"?
There is a more serious option - when attempts to instill good table manners are made publicly. It is unpleasant, of course, when your husband planted a stain on the master's tablecloth or knocked over a neighbor's glass, awkwardly reaching for the brawn (did not guess to ask to transfer the dish).
But it is even more unpleasant to listen to the loud “well, what kind of slobber, slob, clumsy bear do you have?” And the like. The educated guests are immediately understandable: secular etiquette is unfamiliar to both spouses, and to a lesser extent to his wife. It is unacceptable to criticize for blunders of their loved ones with outsiders. Imagine what a blow to the ego spouse you inflict.
You shouldn’t keep quiet about annoying habits, your patience just won't last long. But it is necessary to speak about the discontent tactfully. You can make a list of mutual claims to each other (after all, deficiencies are inherent in both partners). Discuss what you are dissatisfied with and what everyone can do to eliminate factors annoying the spouse.
Secular etiquette implies the rules of behavior and communication governing the relationship of people. But, observing good manners in society, do not forget about the main people in your life - members of your family.
Mutual respect, attention and tact will help you keep warm feelings for each other and convey your family traditions to children.